Could it be that a painting's expression is not tied to a physical reality? I find myself pondering what painting means to me. Paintings can take on meaning beyond how an artist identifies them. Paintings are meaningful to all different kinds of people for many different reasons.
I have been feeling ambivalent when describing myself as a painter. I have been struggling with affirming that this is who I am in the world. I imagine this struggle will continue as I have not truly discovered the meaning of my work yet. In the meantime, I marvel at the devotion of other artists I know, their commitment to their work, and even sometimes their mastery.
Maybe a painting is not only a physical thing but something that evokes a spontaneous presence separate from this known reality. Let us consider that a painting might be a source of meaning not limited by time and space. Instead of filling the world with objects, our goal as artists is to fill the world with meaning. When an art form is truly thriving it transcends the physical and becomes part of the metaphysical. I believe this is easier to see with poetry than with painting. I sometimes feel the weight of what I am creating. I find the accumulation of objects to be stifling at times. I often feel the heaviness of our placement of identity as a source of meaning. However, I believe it is possible, an artwork might be a source of transcendence rather than merely devotion.
Here is an example of a painting I made that found a voice beyond what I intended for. The journey of this painting felt spontaneous and surprising as it made its way into other people's lives.
Here Now by Ben Marder.
I donated this painting to the River Gallery School for their annual art lottery, “Off The Wall.” Everyone who buys a ticket at the event walks away with a painting. During the event, part of me was wondering if my painting would ever be selected. More than halfway through the event around fifty people had already received their top choices. Then a number was drawn and a woman called out, “I can’t believe it!” And she chose my painting. I was struck by her reaction and was compelled to introduce myself to her. I learned that prior to the event their family had been exploring the gallery, and their young boy, Ben, gravitated toward my painting. Among the hundred or so other paintings, he said—“This is the one I want.” Not only did they win his painting, but of course Ben and I share the same name.
Young Ben at home with his new painting.
A few weeks later, I got an email from the editor at a local newspaper asking me if they could use the image of my painting to accompany an article about homelessness, which is a pervasive phenomenon in Brattleboro, where I teach. I had not been thinking about the vulnerability of teenage homelessness when I painted the image, but perhaps vulnerability in different terms. Now I see how the painting brings a voice beyond my original intention.
Front page of The Commons, July 10, 2024.
Does a painting exist on its own terms? Maybe it stands on separate footing from its maker. When an artist paints, they open a door to feelings and thoughts that are sometimes below the surface of one's personality and awareness. The painting Here Now accesses these feelings for others even when I am unaware of it. In this way, a painting can have a voice that exists beyond this temporal world. Consider a painting you have been touched by. Where do they live now? Surely there is a physical location, but more importantly the meaning is absorbed by you and therefore is accessed in a more universal way. If a painting chooses to access a higher dimension then I believe that is where it lives now.
